


Kairosclerosis

by caelestisxyz



Series: Industry [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Flashbacks, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Psychological Trauma, Reconciliation, Recovered Memories, Reversal couples, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-06-08 18:18:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15249156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caelestisxyz/pseuds/caelestisxyz
Summary: Akaashi Keiji is happy with the way things are. So, why doesn't he feel that way?[kairosclerosisn. the moment you realize that you’re currently happy—consciously trying to savor the feeling—which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it’s little more than an aftertaste - The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.]





	1. Resurface

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, the BokuAka side story for my Industry series that I promised ages ago! 
> 
> As of now, I have no idea how long this will be but my goal is to tie the series up with this story. Please, be mindful of a few things: I do not dislike Terushima; I love him a lot. But, I made him the "villain" when this series was first written and I have to keep things consistent. The ships that aren't tagged are: KuroOi, TeruOi, and KuroDai BUT these ships happened in the past and will only be mentioned with the flashbacks or during the story. The ships that are tagged above are the established relationships and the endgame for this story.  
> There is rape/noncon but it happened in the past and will be shown in flashbacks. Please read at your own risk. (It's not too detailed but may be triggering for most).  
> *Story takes place a day after the events in "Loose Ends"

They're in the middle of watching a low-grade horror flick on Netflix when Bokuto gets a phone call. At first, it's difficult for Akaashi to discern the nature of the call because, for one, he's not eavesdropping and secondly, he's too busy trying to figure out why the protagonist in the film is still alive after all the dumb shit he's been doing and continues to do. The only time Akaashi jumps during the movie is when Bokuto suddenly curses loudly as he gets off the couch.

"Kuroo, I'm on my way," Bokuto shouts, ending the call. "Son of a bitch..." He hurriedly walks off.

Akaashi sets the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of him. Standing up, he follows Bokuto down the short corridor that leads to the apartment's front door. "What's wrong?" he asks, voice calm and even despite his quickened pulse.

Bokuto stops by the door, picking his shoes up and putting them on. "Terushima, that piece of shit. He assaulted Oikawa at the club. Iwaizumi took care of it but Terushima's still in town." Shoes on, he opens the door. "I'll be back."

Akaashi feels dizzy suddenly.

"Fuck." Bokuto turns around, stepping back into the apartment to kiss Akaashi's cheek. "I'm sorry for leaving like this but Kuroo's waiting. Promise we can finish the movie later." Then he's out the door.

Several minutes pass. Akaashi stands in the corridor, staring at the place Bokuto once stood, eyes unfocused and burning. The abrupt exit doesn't bother Akaashi, not in the slightest. He doesn't doubt Bokuto will make this up to him and he'd be perfectly fine if they didn't resume the crappy movie later. The thing that bothers Akaashi—the thing that has his throat tightening, his nails digging into the sides of his thighs, and his knees weak, is the mention of Terushima's name.

Unbiddenly, his thoughts take him back to a place he tries to forget; a cold, grimy bathroom floor, half-finished cups of spiked punch on the sink, and poorly rolled joints on the toilet lid. With the memory comes the smells nostalgia brings and Akaashi can feel the beginnings of bile rising in the back of his throat. Swallowing hard, he touches the wall with a sweaty hand, fearing he'll fall.

A simple name shouldn't have him this worked up. Not Akaashi Keiji who is always composed, always well put together; except for during sex and only during sex. Akaashi doesn't like to feel this way. He doesn't like the fact that something that happened years ago still holds this much control over his emotions. Compared to others—Oikawa for instance—what he experienced wasn't all that bad. He should just get over himself.

Some time passes before Akaashi can move his feet again. He goes to their bedroom, bypasses the unmade bed where a dildo and tube of lube still sits, and steps into the bathroom. Naked, he turns on the shower and then steps in.

The cold spray of water helps to fight back nausea and give him a moment of clarity. What happened to him in high school was bad. No amount of denial is going to change that. It was very, very, bad which is why he doesn't want Bokuto anywhere near Terushima; he's afraid Terushima will get mouthy and reveal what happened between them. Although, admitting something like that would be like digging his own grave.

Terushima isn't the brightest person but even he isn't dumb enough to confess to what he did that night. Everyone who knows Bokuto knows Bokuto is as friendly and as loving as they come. Those same people know Bokuto isn't above fucking people up over his loved ones; which is why he left so abruptly to assist Kuroo in defending Oikawa's already defended honor.

Even though Oikawa hates him now and their relationship will never be how it was in high school, Akaashi was so happy when Oikawa and Iwaizumi started dating; he was happy for Oikawa. He stood on the sidelines, quietly watching Oikawa slowly deteriorate during his relationship with Terushima. Once, he almost intervened and exposed Terushima to their group of friends, but fear kept him silent and it still keeps him silent.

Akaashi dries off after the shower, but he doesn't put any clothes on. The dildo and lube are set on the nightstand and he gets under the covers. Sleep doesn't find him. Not easily, anyway. His thoughts are too loud, too persistent. Without trying to, he thinks back to the night he lost his virginity.

* * *

"Are you sure we're allowed to be here, Akaashi-san?" Kindachi asks, sparing a nervous glance around the crowded area. "This is Kuroo Tetsurou's house."

"I'm aware of that," Akaashi says, matter-of-factly, "and yes we're allowed to be here. I was invited, remember? Plus, it's a house party. Everyone is invited."

"Yeah, but I wasn't. People like me are never invited to these things."

Sighing, Akaashi puts his arm around Kindachi's shoulder, guiding him toward the open front door where two guys are leaning against the wooden frame, red cups in their hands, grins on their faces. "You're my plus one." Because Akaashi was too afraid to come alone, being out of his element and all. "And what do you mean people like you?"

Kindachi gestures with hand, trying to find the right words. "Kuroo Tetsurou and his friends are popular, and they don't go to the academy on a scholarship." Frowning, he says, "I'm a loser."

"We're friends. So, what does that make me?"

"You're different, Akaashi-san!"

"We're in the same clubs and we like the same things. We sit at the same table for lunch." Akaashi stops walking, turning his body so he's facing Kindachi and he can see him better. "How am I different?" he asks, raising a brow.

Up this close, Akaashi can see the redness of Kindachi's face even though it's nighttime and the nearest street lamp is broken; looks as if someone shattered the bulb. This isn't the first time Akaashi has noticed Kindachi blushing in response to his actions. But Kindachi blushes over everything so Akaashi never thinks much of it.

Kindachi's blush intensifies the longer they stand close like that. "You're just different," he stutters out, staring down at the pavement. "A good different."

Akaashi decides to spare his friend. "If you say so." He puts space between them but remains close enough to grab Kindachi by the arm if he tries to make a run for it.

Honestly, Akaashi is just as nervous about being here. He even contemplated not coming at all. But then he remembered how hopeful Bokuto looked earlier that day when he'd asked if Akaashi would be coming out tonight. They never talked much at school, both belonging to different social cliques. Akaashi is the vice president of the student council, an avid member of the honor society, and he's the chess club's treasurer.

Bokuto is the vice-captain of the lacrosse team and the academy's powerlifting champion, going on three years. Despite both of their parents belonging to the upper echelon of society, Akaashi and Bokuto live in two different worlds. Yet there'd been enough stolen glances and lingering stares between them for Akaashi to conclude that his crush on Bokuto was reciprocated.

Which is why he snuck out of the house to be here and dragged an unwilling Kindachi along with him.

The music coming from the three-story home is ridiculously loud. Akaashi is surprised no one has called the cops. Then again, Kuroo's house is large enough that his nearest neighbors aren't even on the same street.

"Even the nerds are coming out to party," a very inebriated party-goer hollers as they approach.

Kindachi quickly turns around, heading in the direction of his parked car, but Akaashi is there to keep him from getting too far.

"Just ignore him," Akaashi speaks low enough so that no one can overhear. He keeps his hands on Kindachi's shoulders. "That's the same guy who keeps getting held back. He was supposed to graduate three years ago."

That gets a chuckle out of Kindachi. His shoulders relax, and he picks up his feet rather than allowing Akaashi to drag him up the short steps that lead to the front door. Akaashi smiles. He's happy he's able to help Kindachi loosen up a bit.

Once they're inside of the mansion, they stand in the foyer, like two idiots, with their mouths hanging open as they take in their surroundings. There's a mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Most of the people are unfamiliar and appear to be older, maybe university students. Some of the people are chatting in groups, swaying to the music as they do so. Others are paired off and there's a handful who are by their lonesome. But everyone is having a good time from the looks of it.

Kuroo's parents are loaded, and although Akaashi has always known this, being inside Kuroo's home allows him to see the full extent of that wealth. Still, Akaashi doesn't bat an eye at the modern, chic décor, the expensive paintings hanging from the wall, or the impressive surround system. His parents are just as wealthy and successful as Kuroo's parents. None of this is new to Akaashi.

The same can't be said about Kindachi. But Akaashi doesn't rain on his friend's parade.

"Look at the size of that tv!" Kindachi exclaims. They're on the second floor, standing in the doorway of what appears to be an entertainment room as several of the partiers are sitting around watching a movie. "Wait, Akaashi-san, I don't think this is a normal movie."

"Yeah, me either," Akaashi says, staring at the now topless woman on the screen as she turns around and bends over to remove her shorts. "We should probably-"

"Yeah, we should!"

The two friends scamper off, giggling, faces flushed. So much for them acting natural and fitting in. Though in Akaashi's opinion that is a very natural reaction to pornography. Then again, he wouldn't know. He's never watched it.

Kindachi shakes his head. "Okay, that was weird."

"Agreed."

"By the way, who invited you?"

Before Akaashi can dodge that question, they're approached by the gracious host. The shirtless, gracious host.

"Well, this is a surprise," Kuroo says and he doesn't sound surprised at all. He just walked out of a room, followed behind by a guy Akaashi has never seen before. "Vice President-kun and Secretary-kun decided to come out and party with the low lives." Unfolding a clean t-shirt, he casually puts it on.

While Kuroo Tetsurou is very popular and is what most people would label a jock; he's the captain of the lacrosse team and has a couple of track and field medals under his belt, Akaashi knows who Kuroo truly is. Well, who Kuroo used to be before his parents' recent divorce. He was a whiz kid with a passion for science with a grade average that trumped Akaashi's.

"You know our names," Akaashi says, unfazed and unbothered by the act Kuroo is putting on. "We were in the chem club together." Last term to be precise. "Afraid to let your university friends know you can recite the entire periodic table by heart?"

Beside him, Kindachi is shaking like a leaf on a tree, afraid that Akaashi's loose tongue will get them kicked out or worse: publicly humiliated.

Kuroo laughs dryly, combing long fingers through his messy hair. "Guess I see why Bo likes you. You're kinda feisty underneath all that…" He leans closers, feigning contemplation. "Prudishness." There's alcohol on his breath and an empty look in his eyes.

The ink on Kuroo's parents' divorce papers hasn't dried yet. Akaashi will let Kuroo make it this time.

"Come on, Kindachi," Akaashi says, his eyes still on Kuroo, "there's nothing interesting here."

He can hear Kuroo's laughter as they walk off.

"That can't be the same guy who tutored me my first year," Kindachi says as they take a seat on the sofa that's been pushed against a wall to make space for the makeshift dance floor. "He's a such a tool now."

Akaashi nods his head, agreeing.

"Is it true what he said about Bokuto-san liking you?"

"I don't know," Akaashi admits. Although he really hopes that it's true. "I'm starting to wonder if it was a mistake coming here."

Kindachi bumps Akaashi's shoulder playfully. "You're not letting Kuroo-san get under your skin, are you?" he asks.

"He is the furthest thing from my mind." The only thing he feels for Kuroo Tetsurou is pity. Divorces are never easy, especially for the children who witness it. "I'm just disappointed. I haven't seen Bokuto-san at all."

"We're still on the second floor. Maybe he's on the third floor? He could be looking for you, too."

That's a wonderful thought: Bokuto searching the crowd just for him. It's enough motivation to get Akaashi off the couch and up the flight of stairs, Kindachi faithfully by his side. On their way up, a pretty girl passes them by, smiling at Kindachi and Kindachi nearly trips.

Akaashi snickers.

"Man, I'm hopeless," Kindachi groans, the tips of his ears red. He spares another look over his shoulder to see the girl is still staring at him from the bottom of the stairs. Shyly, he glances away. "I guess I'm not completely hopeless."

"You're cooler than you think, Kindachi-san." And he means it. "If you want to go talk to her, I won't fault you."

Kindachi's eyes widen. "G-go talk to her?" Shaking his head, he scratches the side of his face. "And make a complete idiot of myself?"

"Do you think she's pretty?"

"Very."

"Do you want to at least get her name?"

"Yes."

Reaching the top of the stairs, they stand off to the side to not block the path. Akaashi faces Kindachi, his expression soft.

"Then go talk to her," Akaashi says. Before Kindachi comes up with another excuse, he adds, "When you're ready to leave just text me. We're second years now. Time to spread our wings, leave the nest, and all that other corny stuff." He smiles.

Kindachi makes a show of straightening up, making himself appear taller. "Yeah, you're right. I guess it's time for me to…man up?"

"Women are far stronger, Kindachi-san. Time for you to woman up."

They both laugh at the inside joke. After a little more nudging, Kindachi makes his way back down the stairs, Akaashi watching him go. Later, he'll be sure to text their other friend, Kunimi, and tell him of Kindachi's improvement.

For now, his search for Bokuto continues. 

On the third floor, the mood is different than it is on the other two floors where the music is so loud it's hard to hear one's thoughts. Up here, the music is nothing more than a gentle hum in the background and the lights are dim. A strong, musky scent wafts to Akaashi's nose. He's reminded of the medicinal herbs his grandmother used to grow in her garden.

Akaashi is walking down a hallway, debating on rather or not he should check behind the doors when he bumps into Oikawa Tooru.

Three months ago, Oikawa transferred to their academy. Oikawa is another rich kid who grew up with everything he ever wanted at his fingertips. Initially, they were fast friends and Akaashi even hoped their friendship would be one he carried with him long after high school. But then Oikawa caught the attention of Kuroo and stopped hanging around Akaashi. Kuroo and Oikawa dated for a month before a rumor spread about Kuroo being involved with some guy from another school.

Now Oikawa is dating Terushima Yuuji.

"Oh, Akaashi-san," Oikawa greets, forcing a tight smile, "I didn't expect to see you here."

Because the lights are so dim it's hard for Akaashi to tell if Oikawa's right eye is swollen slightly or not. The way Oikawa is holding his face makes it difficult to tell. Even still, Oikawa is a looker. He's tall, about as tall as Kuroo, lean and pale with full, brown eyes, thick, dark lashes complimenting them. His features are gentle yet there's a sharpness to him.

At least there used to be before Kuroo dumped him in the hallway in front of half the student body. Oikawa demanded to know if the rumors were true about Kuroo having another boyfriend. Instead of acknowledging the rumor, Kuroo taunted Oikawa for giving it up so easily. Then, he dumped him, like he was nothing. 

It's a wonder Oikawa can still show his face after that happened.

"What happened to you calling me Aka-chan?" Akaashi asks, smiling.

Oikawa grins and for a brief moment, mirth fills his brown eyes. "I didn't know you actually liked it. But now that I know—"

"Didn't I tell you to fucking wait for me?" Terushima walks up behind Oikawa suddenly and Oikawa's entire expression changes.

"Sorry," Oikawa hurriedly says, ducking his head. "I saw my friend here."

Terushima looks at Akaashi, the venomous expression on his face dropping. "Who's the babe?" he asks, eyeing Akaashi with interest.

Oikawa grimaces at the "babe" comment but doesn't speak on it. "This is Akaashi-san. He's a second year at the academy."

"Oh, yeah." Terushima's face lights up with recognition. "Damn, you look hot as hell without the tacky uniform on."

"Yuuji-chan, don't scare the poor boy." Oikawa laughs; it doesn't reach his eyes. In fact, it's obviousTerushima's interest in Akaashi makes Oikawa uncomfortable. "Besides, he can't look hotter than I do, right, baby?"

Terushima doesn't take his eyes off Akaashi. "Yeah, sure."

"Well, it was nice seeing you again, Oikawa-san," Akaashi says, not wanting to stand there another moment while Terushima undressed him with his eyes. "You both enjoy the rest of your night." He walks past them, careful not to let his shoulder touch Terushima's.

As he walks down the hallway, Akaashi can feel eyes on his back but he doesn't turn around. The search for Bokuto is starting to feel like a lost cause. Taking his phone out his pocket, Akaashi sees he has a few messages from Kindachi who is giving him a play by play of his time with the pretty girl. Akaashi sends Kindachi a reply, telling him to enjoy his time and stop texting because it's rude.

[Kindachi]  _You're right, Akaashi-san. Sorry!_

Akaashi snorts. Pocketing his phone, he walks up to the door at the end of the hall. Taking a deep breath, he turns the doorknob. It's locked. That doesn't deter him, though. He tries the door beside it and is relieved when it opens with a soft click.

Slowly, he pushes the door open, peeking his face in as he does. The moment he catches sight of a familiar hairstyle, his heart races in a mixture of nervousness and excitement. On that same breath, his heart sinks. 

"Oh, fuck, oh fuck," Bokuto is moaning, his head thrown back and his eyes closed.

There's an unknown person, male from the look of it, kneeling in front of Bokuto. Bokuto is naked from the waist down so it doesn't take Akaashi long to realize what's going on. Ducking his head out of the room, Akaashi hurriedly closes the door, careful not to slam it.

Feeling light-headed, Akaashi stays close to the wall as he walks away from the room, out of the hallway, past the small lounge area, and back down the stairs. A few people bump into him as he passes. Their curses are drowned out by the sound of his beating heart throbbing in his ears.

Akaashi's eyes sting yet he doesn't cry. He has no reason to cry. Bokuto isn't his boyfriend. Bokuto has never expressed any genuine feelings toward Akaashi, nothing to make Akaashi think Bokuto liked him too. Nothing aside from longing glances and kind smiles. But Akaashi understands now that glances are nothing. They're as empty and as meaningless as everything else around him.

Earlier the kitchen was a place he wanted to avoid. Now, he walks into it as if he owns the place. Picking up a cup off the counter, he fills it with the punch and gulps it all down. Akaashi has never had alcohol before. Despite the addition of fruit and juice, it burns all the way down his throat, settling hot on his empty stomach. He doesn't stop, though.

Three cups of punch later, Akaashi talks himself into confronting Bokuto because Bokuto invited him here. Bokuto made him think he wanted him to come so they could hang out. Akaashi deserves an apology. And he's going to get one.

Clumsily, Akaashi climbs three flights of stairs, ignoring the incessant buzzing in his back pocket. Kindachi is either calling him or texting him back to back. Akaashi is too determined to check to see which one it is.

The alcohol catches up with him faster than he expected. It sneaks up on him, like a thief in the night, robbing him of his rationality and common sense. Somehow, he ends up in the bathroom that's almost as filthy as the kitchen is. There are cups everywhere, the shower curtain is on the floor, the rod laying in the tub, and there's something sticky on the tile. 

Akaashi can barely recognize himself in the mirror because it's so foggy. Reaching out with his right hand, he tries to wipe the mirror clean. Akaashi passes out, hitting the floor hard before he realizes It wasn't the mirror that was foggy; it was his vision.

A sharp, numbing pain wakes Akaashi, but his eyelids feel incredibly heavy and so does his limbs. He just lies there, hoping the pain will eventually subside. It doesn't; the pain intensifies, becoming unbearable. Akaashi cries out. His voice comes out broken and muffled sounding.

Akaashi struggles to open his eyes, to move his body—he can't do anything. There's a heavy pressure settling on his chest, something wet touching his face, a strained voice in his ear.

"…so tight, babe."

He knows that voice. Or he thinks he does.

"Open up for me," the person says through clenched teeth.

No. Akaashi wants to scream. Stop. He tries to yell.

"Feels good…"

It doesn't feel good at all. It hurts. God, it hurts so bad. The weight on top of him is moving faster now, the rapid motion has Akaashi feeling nauseated. He wants it to be over with already. He wishes someone would make it stop. Wishes someone would come in and save him.

But that never happens.

Soon, Akaashi adapts to the pain, learns to drown it out and imagine himself somewhere else, somewhere safe. If he tries hard enough he can pretend he's back in his bedroom, curled up in bed with a book and a pair of earbuds in his ears so he doesn't have to hear his parents argue. He used to hate being at home all the time. Now it's the one place he wishes he could be. 

"Thanks for the fuck, babe," the vile voice whispers into his ear when the moving ceases.

Akaashi can feel the weight being lifted off his chest. Finding strength he thought long abandoned him, he cracks his eyes open a little. Just enough to see a tall figure with their back turned to him. Nothing about the person's back stirs anything within his mind.

Then, he sees the person's haircut and instantly knows who it is.

Terushima leaves Akaashi on the floor. The shock of it all doesn't wear off for some time. Only thing Akaashi can do is curl up and cry.

* * *

"Hey, Keiji, it's okay. I'm here."

Jerking awake, Akaashi scoots away from the gentle hands, his heart hammering in his chest. Feeling the warm sheets beneath him, not the cold tile of a bathroom floor, his breathing slows, but he doesn't fully relax. The memory is still fresh; he hasn't quite returned from that headspace. While he knows Bokuto would never hurt him, Akaashi can't see that right now.

Bokuto raises his hands up and slowly kneels on the bed, approaching Akaashi as though the man were an injured animal. "You were having a nightmare," he says, quiet and patient. "You were shouting in your sleep..."

Akaashi wants to yell at Bokuto. He wants to tell him it wasn't a nightmare. Tell him his fear and his pain are very real. A part of him wants to blame Bokuto for not being there, but no matter how angry he gets when he thinks back to that night, he can never be upset with Bokuto. Because it wasn't Bokuto's fault.

"Keiji," Bokuto says, "I'm right here." He lowers his hands. Eyes still on Akaashi, he lowers himself to the mattress, lying on his side, his head rested on his folded arm. "I'll be here when you're ready," he promises.

This isn't the first time this has happened, but it doesn't occur frequently. The first time Akaashi got like this, Bokuto made the mistake of trying to hug him, thinking Akaashi simply needed physical reassurance. Of course, that wasn't the case. Akaashi lashed out at Bokuto that time. Now Bokuto knows to wait until Akaashi seeks him out. Not once has Bokuto asked Akaashi why he gets like this. 

They never pressure one another for anything; not sex, not secrets. Akaashi loves that about their relationship. It's why he trusts Bokuto so much, more than he trusts anyone else. Still, he doesn't trust Bokuto with his secret.

Several moments pass. The memory doesn't fade quite yet, but Akaashi is able to disconnect from it emotionally. Akaashi crawls over to where Bokuto is and he lays down beside him. There's still a small space between their bodies. Bokuto is still waiting for Akaashi.

"Hold me," Akaashi says, "please."

Bokuto doesn't hesitate to gather Akaashi in his arms, pulling him close against his chest.

Solid. That's how Bokuto feels. And Akaashi isn't referring to his boyfriend's broad figure; the muscles he gained from his powerlifting days are still there. What Akaashi means is Bokuto is dependable, he's sturdy. Outsiders, the people who aren't familiar with the inner workings of their relationship, believe Akaashi is the calm one, that he's the reason their relationship has remained afloat for all this time. The truth is, Bokuto is the foundation that keeps Akaashi from sinking. Not the other way around. 

"How's everything?" Akaashi asks after a while. "Is...Is Oikawa okay?" 

"Oikawa's still shaken up but he's going to be fine." Bokuto's lips brush against Akaashi's hair as he speaks, "Better yet, Oikawa is going to be great. Iwaizumi fucking wrecked Terushima. Holy shit, Keiji. There was nothing left for Kuroo and me to do." 

Akaashi ignores the twist in his gut at the mention of Terushima. "That's good then. Now Kuroo can stop worrying about Oikawa," he chuckles. 

"Kuroo is going to always worry about Oikawa." 

Because he still harbors guilt for all the crappy things he did when they were in high school. All of them were young and dumb then. They all made mistakes, did things they weren't proud of. What matters is, for the most part, they've become better people. 

"Can't believe we didn't know any of that was going on. Makes me feel like a shitty friend." 

"Oikawa has one hell of a poker face. He only lets people see what he wants to be seen."

"Guess you're right."

Akaashi thinks about that night at the house party and how Oikawa had shown him a glimpse of what he was going through; how Oikawa was practically crying out for help in a way someone as guarded as him would. He tries not to dwell on it because what good would it do now? Oikawa is happy. So is Akaashi. And he isn't going to go digging up things that should stay buried. 

"I love you, Keiji," Bokuto yawns tiredly, "Neva' gonna stop loving you...Keiji." 

Only Bokuto would remix a popular Vine like that. Akaashi can't help but smile. 

"Fuck ya' chicken strips," Akaashi mumbles against Bokuto's chest. 

"Watch your profanity." 

Akaashi laughs, happy that he has someone he can be silly with like this. 

What they have is—Akaashi can't put it into words. Bokuto makes him happy. Bokuto makes him so fucking happy and Akaashi isn't going to mess things up. 

They stay up for another twenty minutes or so, quoting their favorite Vines, and enjoying each other's warmth. 

TBC 


	2. Impasse

"I remember the first time I saw you like this," Bokuto says, dragging his eyes down Akaashi's body, eyes lingering on the black, lace panties that poorly cover Akaashi's bulge. The wet head of Akaashi's cock peeps out at the top just a little. "Gotta admit, I wasn't into this sort of thing until you."

Sitting up, Akaashi gets on all fours and slowly crawls to the edge of the bed where his boyfriend is waiting, mindful to extend his body in a way that makes the muscles in his back and shoulders flex enticingly. "Look at you now," he drawls, voice deep and sensual, "you can't get enough."

"I'll never get enough of your sexy ass."

Reaching Bokuto, Akaashi drags his hands down his boyfriend's thighs, admiring how the compression shorts cling to his muscular thighs. Glancing up, he stares at Bokuto's defined stomach that the crop top Bokuto wears gives him a nice view of. Akaashi loses his shit every single time Bokuto wears a crop top around the apartment. Leaning forward, Akaashi nuzzles his boyfriend's bulge, burying his nose in it as his hands slide up Bokuto's stomach all the way to his pectoral muscles.

"Damn," Bokuto whispers, his head rolling to the side, eyes fluttering closed. Despite his outward defeat, he remains an active participant. "Lemme see how wet your mouth can get."

Akaashi turns his face to the side slightly and begins mouthing at Bokuto through the compression shorts. He doesn't even try to be modest about it. Modesty doesn't exist between them. Bokuto knows that Akaashi loves to do things like this; he loves to make his boyfriend come undone without their skin touching. Just like Akaashi knows that Bokuto is game for anything Akaashi is into. Initially, Akaashi thought Bokuto only went along with his peculiar kinks because he didn't want Akaashi to feel as though he were being judged.

Turns out Bokuto has one kink: Akaashi's happiness.

Bokuto will try anything Akaashi wants. If Akaashi decides that it isn't his thing then Bokuto will decide the same. They've crossed a lot of things off their list, but there is one thing that they both want to try. Too bad the person they want to explore this new thing with is unavailable. Akaashi expresses his disappointment about the situation to Bokuto.

Bokuto touches the left side of Akaashi's face tenderly while Akaashi continues sucking his cock through the shorts, a glob of spit rolling down his chin. "I know you really want Iwaizumi to fuck you, baby, but Oikawa isn't the sharing type." He thrusts his hips forward, trying to follow Akaashi's retreating mouth.

Wiping the spit off his chin, Akaashi uses those same fingers to tease himself. "I know but I spent weeks scouting Iwaizumi," he says, poking his bottom lip out. Sitting back on his two fingers, he moans quietly, loving that tightness around his fingers. "You want to fuck him just as badly as I do." He kisses Bokuo's bulge and then sucks on it.

"I mean duh," Bokuto says on a moan, "but Iwaizumi is apart of the family now. It'll feel weird."

"Kuroo was your first choice," Akaashi deadpans.

"Okay but that's cause Kuroo and I already fooled around a little."

"How was it?" Akaashi asks. He licks the length of Bokuto's cock, nipping at the head once he reaches it. "Sucking Kuroo's cock. That's what you did, right?"

"Yeah and I rimmed him." Bokuto grabs a handful of Akaashi's hair, careful not to tug too hard. "Keiji, I wanna come," he whimpers.

Akaashi pauses his line of question for now. He focuses all of his attention on blowing Bokuto. With the right amount of pressure and ample amount of spit, he manages to make Bokuto come in a matter of minutes. When he's done, Akaashi peels Bokuto's shorts off and licks him clean.

"Back to Kuroo," Akaashi says as he turns around, wiggling his ass in front of Bokuto's face. "How was it?"

Bokuto kneels on the bed behind Akaashi, splaying his large hand on Akaashi's back, silently urging him to raise his ass higher. "We were kinda drunk. I only remember that Kuroo has a really pretty asshole. It looked bleached." He chuckles. "Knowing him, it probably is."

"Prettier than mine?"

"Hell no." Bokuto hooks a finger in Akaashi's panties in the thin material that barely covers his balls and pulls it aside, his face lowering. "You have the prettiest pussy I've ever seen," he whispers, his hot breath fanning over Akaashi as he speaks, "it's so pink and soft. No matter how many times I fuck you, it tightens right back up." He presses his face between Akaashi's ass, kissing him gently.

Akaashi's cock is leaking from the compliments. He doesn't remember when he discovered he enjoyed to have Bokuto refer to his asshole as a pussy, but it's something that turns him on more than he can put into words. That isn't to say that Akaashi feels as if he's in the wrong body or anything like that. He just likes what he likes and that's all there is to it.

Lowering his face to the mattress, Akaashi pants and moans while Bokuto opens him up with his fingers. They've done this what feels like a million times yet Bokuto is always so careful, always so thorough. He puts Akaashi's comfort above all else. Even when they dabble in a bit of sadomasochism when it's okay and understood that things will get intense, Bokuto is still considerate and kind. Akaashi doesn't think he deserves Bokuo. Better yet, Akaashi knows he doesn't deserve Bokuto.

"I wanna see your face," Bokuto says, capping the tube of lube when he's done with it, his other hand leisurely stroking his cock.

Akaashi remains bent over as he slides his panties off, knowing that Bokuto will appreciate the view. Then, he kicks the panties off and rolls over to his back. A giddy squeal escapes him when Bokuto grabs him by the ankle and drags him off the bed a little, his legs dangling. It's a side of Akaashi that no one gets to see. Everyone knows him to be cold, aloof. But Bokuto knows the goofy side of Akaashi; he knows the side of Akaashi that recites memes in his head all day and watches funny videos on Youtube all night when he can't sleep.

"Oh shit, I just remembered something," Bokuto remembers now of all times when he's balls deep inside of Akaashi, their chests pressed close and their breathing labored from the strain. "The housewarming starts soon."

"What about my ass made you remember that?" Akaashi chuckles breathlessly.

Bokuto laughs. "No idea." Expression changing, taking on a more serious edge, he presses Akaashi's thighs back and eases out a little. "Quickie okay? We gotta go get a gift." he hurriedly asks.

Akaashi nods.

With that Bokuto slams back in and keeps a fast, steady pace. But the repetitiveness doesn't damper the pleasure at all. Bokuto is still a thoughtful lover even when they're pressed for time. He sucks on Akaashi's swollen nipples; Akaashi wore band-aids on his nipples for a majority of the day just for this occasion. They're more sensitive than usual because of that. His back arches off the mattress with the lightest of touches from Bokuto's tongue and he curses loudly when Bokuto teases the other nipple between his thumb and index finger.

But what really gets Akaashi off is the filthy things Bokuto growls into his ear the entire time. Bokuto tells Akaashi all about how he loves fucking him, how he wishes he could fall asleep inside of him and wake up inside of him just to fuck him again, and how badly he wants to fill Akaashi's stomach with his thick, hot seed and keep it in there all day just to eat it out of him again...

"Wow, that's a new one," Akaashi comments, rolling his hips encouragingly. "I like it. Tell me more, Koutarou."

Bokuto bites Akaashi's earlobe, pulling a broken scream from him. "I want to fill your belly up" he groans into Akaashi's ear. "I'll give you so much of my cum, you'll be sick for days..." His thrusts intensify, his nails digging into Akaashi's hips and his voice deepening. "And when it's all nice and hot, I want to spread you open and...Fuck!" His hips jerk spasmodically as he orgasms.

"Fill me up," Akaashi moans, his own orgasm approaching. "Yeah, Koutarou. Just like th—"

Everything is bright and incredibly hot for a moment. Akaashi's vision goes white and his head throbs from the intensity. When they both come down from the high, they lie there on the bed, staring at the ceiling, cold sweat covering their bodies.

"Okay, so that happened," Bokuto mumbles after a long silence.

Akaashi's body trembles with uncontrollable laughter.

Bokuto frowns. "Keiji, don't laugh at me."

"I'm not laughing at you," Akaashi says, still laughing. Turning his head, he kissing Bokuto's sweaty cheek. "I'm just happy. That was amazing."

"Yeah?" Bokuto sits up on his elbow so that he can see Akaashi better. "You're okay with me wanting to get you pregnant?" he jokes.

Akaashi grins. "I'd love to have your ass babies, Koutarou."

The sound of their laughter fills the room. And when they're in the shower together, they're still joking about their newly discovered kink. They've been having sex without a condom for months (after being tested together because there was a time during a few of their breakups in the past that both of them had different sexual partners) but the whole breeding kink has never been their thing. But it is now.

"I'm sure Kuroo has already decked their place out. Finding a housewarming gift is going to be hard." Bokuto says. They're walking down the stairs of their apartment building, keeping close to protect one another from the chilly, night air. "Can't believe they're already moving in together. They're about to be domestic and shit."

"Aren't we domestic and shit?"

"Yeah, but we've been together since high school."

"On and off," Akaashi reminds him

"Even when we were off, we were on." Bokuto thinks about what he just said. "You know what I mean."

Akaashi smiles; he knows exactly what Bokuto means.

After tossing a few ideas around, they agree to just stop by their favorite sex store and buy Kuroo and Tsukishima a new toy as a housewarming gift. This is a new beginning for Kuroo and Tsukishima. It's only right to get them a new dildo for a fresh start.

Akaashi and Tsukishima used to be roommates, but once it became clear that Tsukishima's relationship with Kuroo was getting serious, Akaashi asked Bokuto to move in to help him out with the rent. With Akaashi being disinherited and all, he's struggling to support himself financially with the part-time job he has at a local karaoke bar; and there's the extra cash he makes whenever he works the bar at  _Industry_.

Luckily for Akaashi, he just so happens to be dating a trust fund baby. Actually, Bokuto hasn't even touched his trust fund yet. Bokuto's parents still give him a monthly allowance and Bokuto makes good money as a personal trainer. Akaashi doesn't like to mooch off people but there's only so much he can do what with him being a full-time student who stays on top of his grades.

Akaashi has long swallowed his pride. He doesn't protest when Bokuto pays for everything or when Bokuto lets him go months without paying his half of the rent. Because Akaashi knows that Bokuto doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. However, Akaashi does take care of the groceries, basic household needs, and he treats his boyfriend to dinner every other week so that he doesn't feel completely useless.

All of that is beside the point, though.

The point is: Akaashi is happy that he's living with the love of his life but he will miss having Tsukishima as a roommate. They got along well enough. No petty arguments; no arguments at all really. They respected one another's privacy and their boundaries. Akaashi went into it only needing someone to cover the other half of rent but now he considers Tsukishima to be a good friend.

"Think we should get them lube, too?" asks Bokuto as they leave the parking lot. He's driving; he always drives because Akaashi never learned how to drive. One time, Kuroo tried to teach Akaashi but Akaashi wasn't interested. And whenever Bokuto tries to teach him they end up fucking in the back seat. "You can never have too much lube, you know."

"I know the brand Tsukishima prefers." Perks of being Tsukishima's roommate for two years.

"Aww, you're such a good ex-roomie."

"I'm sure you know the brand Kuroo prefers," Akaashi says impassively.

Bokuto chuckles. "He uses the same brand from high school." He glances over at Akaashi, one hand on the steering wheel while the other rests on his boyfriend's thigh. "Do you want to fuck Kuroo?"

"Kuroo isn't my type." Akaashi gestures in the air vaguely. "He's not buff enough."

"That's right, you want two muscle heads to break you." Bokuto smirks in a way that makes Akaashi want to suck him off as he drives. "But hypothetically speaking, if you and Oikawa were on good terms would you want to fuck him?"

A majority of their conversations like this are hypothetical. Aside from the time they thought about inviting Iwaizumi to join them for a night; maybe longer if things worked out. Jealousy, insecurity, and distrust doesn't exist within the confines of their relationship. Things weren't always this way. It took years to get to this point.

Which is another reason why Akaashi can never share his secret with Bokuto. The truth will ruin everything they've built.

Instead of lingering on that thought, Akaashi thinks about Oikawa hovering over him, moving inside of him. If Oikawa fucks anything like Akaashi thinks he does it isn't a bad thought at all but it doesn't do anything for him. Oikawa and Kuroo's body types are similar; they're both long and lean like jungle cats. Even though both have filled out more over the years, their shoulders are broader and their abdomens more defined, it's not what Akaashi wants.

Akaashi shakes his head. "I'd make out with Oikawa." He tilts his head, giving it more thought. "Maybe finger him and watch him unravel." He pauses. "What about you? Would you fuck Oikawa?"

"Never really thought about it. But I'd love to see you two make out."

"Too bad Oikawa hates me."

"Oikawa doesn't' hate you," Bokuto lightly chides, his eyes on the road ahead. "Remember when you got really sick that one time? I was vacationing with my parents. Kuroo was off probably fucking around. No one else was around to get you what you needed."

"Oikawa only made me soup because you asked him to," Akaashi says dismissively.

"I didn't ask him to stay there while you ate it and watch over you while you slept."

"Any decent human being would have done that."

The car pulls into the empty lot in front of a small, pink building that has a red, neon sign hanging above the door. Bokuto parks but he keeps the car running.

"Do you think Oikawa Tooru would do all that for a person he hated?" Bokuto asks, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "We've seen how Oikawa does the people he really hates. Hell, I'm still shocked about this Terushima thing cause I've seen Oikawa in a fight. The guy's scary as hell. Hard to believe he didn't fight Terushima back."

"I guess you're right. Maybe Oikawa doesn't hate me."

Part of Akaashi believes that. The other part only says it so they can drop the subject altogether.

Bokuto leans over the console, kissing Akaashi on the cheek softly. "Try talking to him tonight," he encourages confidently. "I'm sure you two can be friends again."

Akaashi highly doubts that but for the sake of ending the conversation he nods his head in agreement.

* * *

"Did all you fuckers really get us lube and dildos as housewarming gifts?" Kuroo asks, sweeping an unimpressed look around the entire room, careful to make eye contact with all of his so-called friends. "What do you all take Tsukki and I for?"

The housewarming was well underway by the time Bokuto and Akaashi got there. Since their circle of friends is very tight-knit, only ten people are sitting around Kuroo and Tsukishima's two-bedroom condo that makes Akaashi's apartment look like a shoe box. Aside from them, there's Kiyoko and Yachi; bartenders from the club. As well as, Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa. They're all sitting around the den, drinking and catching up while music hums in the background.

"A couple of sex-crazed perverts apparently," Tsukishima comments. He's equally, if not, more unimpressed than Kuroo is. "We do like normal shit, you know."

"Normal shit," Oikawa repeats humorously.

Tsukishima clarifies, "Things like juicers and rice cookers."

"Are you implying that lube and condoms are abnormal?" Matsukawa asks, raising his thick eyebrows. "That's homophobic."

Iwaizumi snorts. "No, it isn't."

"You're a new gay, Iwaizumi," Hanamaki says, grinning "you don't get to decide what's homophobic and what isn't."

Laughing, Oikawa grabs his boyfriend's arm before he can lunge at Hanamaki. "I can confirm that Iwa-chan has been properly inducted into the homosexual community." Iwaizumi and Oikawa share a fond smile. "My baby is valid!"

The couple's affectionate display garners over the top puking noises from Matsukawa and Hanamaki and laughs from everyone else, minus Akaashi who is transfixed by the content expressions on Oikawa and Iwaizumi's faces. Akaashi's favorite period of any relationship is the honeymoon stage. Everything is new, exciting, and perfect during that stage. That isn't to say that he isn't happy with where he is with Bokuto. It just means that he kind of misses the time when they didn't know all of each other's quirks, pet-peeves, and orgasm faces. Akaashi misses the surprises.

Oikawa catches him staring. Instead of quickly turning his head and pretending as though he hadn't been staring, Akaashi inclines his head in Oikawa's direction, a small smile on his face. Oikawa returns the head nod but he doesn't smile.

Akaashi is surprised that Oikawa acknowledged him at all so he'll take what he can get.

"Okay, game time," Kuroo announces as he stands up from the couch. He's looking exceptionally handsome tonight in black, skinny jeans that are ripped at the knee, and a red silk dress shirt that has several buttons undone. The shirt is tucked in showing off his designer belt and velvet loafers complete the look. "Truth or Dare.: Grown-up edition."

Normally the mere thought of Truth or Dare would bore the hell out of Akaashi but this version of the game isn't like most versions because alcohol is involved and there are no limits to how far a dare can go.

"Oh ho ho, things are about to get interesting," Matsukawa says, wiggling his eyebrows. "Especially for all you boring couples."

"Boring?" Oikawa and Bokuto blurt out simultaneously.

Matsukawa waves his hand in a placating fashion. "Relax. There's nothing wrong with being boring. Besides, maybe once you share some juicy secrets about a past fling, you guys' relationship can become interesting like ours." He gestures between himself and Hanamaki.

Amongst the collective boos, Bokuto says, "There are no secrets between Keiji and me." He wraps his arm around Akaashi's waist and pulls him close.

Akaashi stiffens but Bokuto doesn't seem to notice. Unfortunately for Akaashi, a pair of sharp, brown eyes catches the hesitation from across the room. Glancing up, he catches Oikawa's gaze. The moment is brief yet it's long enough for Akaashi to know that Oikawa has filed the memory away so that he can reflect on it later. Thankfully, Kuroo is talking again, instructing them all to pick a random number that'll determine if they'll start the game off and that pulls Oikawa's attention away from him; for now.

"Kiyoko, truth or dare," Kuroo asks.

Kiyoko's reply is swift, "Truth."

"We know you're bisexual," Kuroo starts, "and we know you're committed to Yachi. But if you could, would you fuck anybody else in this room?"

To everyone's surprise, Kiyoko blushes. "Iwaizumi-san," she says and everyone thinks that's the end of it but, "Oikawa-san, Bokuto-san, Kuroo-san." She takes a sip of her drink, keeping the cup up to her lips. "At the same time."

"Damn, can we watch?" Hanamaki asks; he's obviously joking but there's a part of him that would love to see that.

"Or you could join," Kiyoko teases. "Yachi and I agree that you're all hot."

Yachi nods in agreement.

The game continues after that. Matsukawa is the next person to go and he chooses dare as always. Kiyoko dares him to show everyone the dick piercing that he loves to brag about. When he begins unzipping his jeans, Iwaizumi turns his head away because he thinks it'll be too weird to see his best friend's dick. Iwaizumi is still new to their group so naturally, he isn't accustomed to how close they all are. Akaashi remembers when he was like that. Now he knows way too much about his friends.

Tsukishima is next up. As always, he plays it safe and chooses truth. However, Oikawa throws him a curve ball by asking Tsukishima how he really feels about Kuroo being so close to him even though they dated in the past.

"I trust Kuroo," Tsukishima says after he recovers from the shock of the question. "When you two travel for work, I never worry. I'm confident in our relationship."

Kuroo leans over and kisses Tsukishima on the forehead. "I'm so happy to hear you say that." What he doesn't say if that he's been worried that Tsukishima didn't fully trust him. Which is why Oikawa asked that question to prove to Kuroo that he had nothing to worry about. "Okay, we can save the mushy stuff for later. Let's keep the game going!"

"What about you, Oikawa?" Hanamaki asks. "Are you confident in your relationship."

"I didn't know it was my turn to go," Oikawa says, obviously dodging the question.

"Just answer the question." Matsukawa presses.

Oikawa bristles a little but otherwise, his composure is maintained. "Of course, I'm confident in my relationship. I trust Iwa-chan." He takes hold of Iwaizumi's hand, giving it a light squeeze.

Everyone is content with the answer and moves on. From experience, Akaashi should have known that wasn't the end of it. Matsukawa and Hanamaki are good guys but they never pass up the chance to get under people's skin. 

"Truth or dare, Akaashi," Hanamaki asks.

"Dare." He normally likes to play it safe like Tsukishima but tonight he's feeling a little spontaneous.

Keeping a straight face, Hanamaki dares Akaashi to kiss Iwaizumi. Initially, Akaashi thinks Hanamaki is just pulling his leg yet the man's face remains impassive and his eyes expectant. Looking around the room, Akaashi tries to gauge everyone's reactions, mainly Oikawa's, and the expression on Oikawa's face makes him wish he would have just played it safe.

"That's going a little too far." Tsukishima comes to the rescue. "I get that we're all comfortable with one another but Iwaizumi is new. He may not be comfortable with that."

"Are you comfortable with that, Iwaizumi?" Matsukawa asks.

Sheepishly, Iwaizumi scratches the back of his neck. "Um..." He glances at Oikawa. "Tooru, are you—"

"Come on, Oikawa is a big boy." Hanamaki smiles good-naturedly. "Besides, he just said that he's comfortable in his relationship. A simple kiss won't hurt."

Oikawa smiles but it's strained. "I don't mind it, Iwa-chan. It's just a kiss." Anyone who knows Oikawa, really knows Oikawa, knows that he definitely minds it.

"Tooru," Kuroo says, "it's okay—"

"No," Oikawa interrupts abruptly, "I really don't care. Akaashi can kiss Iwaizumi. I know he wants to." He gives Iwaizumi a light shove in Akaashi's direction. "Go, Iwa-chan. This may be the last chance you get to kiss someone else."

"Fine," Iwaizumi says, ready to get it over with. Standing up from the couch, he walks over to Akaashi but he looks at Bokuto first. "Sure you're okay with this?"

"Keiji's body is his own," Bokuto says and he obviously means it, "I don't get the right to tell him what to do with any part of it."

Iwaizumi nods in understanding. Then, he looks to Akaashi. "But are you okay with this?"

The truth is, Akaashi is more than okay with this. In fact, he's a little excited that he gets to kiss Iwaizumi. But it feels wrong because, despite all the encouragement and smiles, Oikawa doesn't want them to kiss. And that is the only reason why Akaashi turns Iwaizumi down.

"No, I'm not okay with it," Akaashi says, ignoring the complaints from Matsukawa and Hanamaki. "No offense Iwaizumi."

If anything, Iwaizumi seems relieved. "None taken." He walks back to where Oikawa is seated. Instead of sitting down on the empty space on the couch, he sits on Oikawa's lap where Oikawa is ready to circle his arms around his torso.

"That's cool and all," Hanamaki says, "but you failed to go through with the dare. That means you're gonna be penalized."

Iwaizumi shrugs. "Whatever. Hit me with it."

"Oh shit," Tsukishima mumbles warily.

Hanamaki grins; he's a merciless bastard. "I dare you to run around the complex butt ass naked."

"Fuck you, it's too cold." Iwaizumi scowls.

"Your ass should have thought about that before you failed to go through with your first dare."

Iwaizumi downs the remaining alcohol in his cup. "Fuck it. I'm going to do this but you better hope I'm not the next person to give you a dare, asshole." Slamming the empty cup down on the end table. He stands up and begins stripping.

* * *

"Enjoying the view?"

Tearing his eyes away from a shivering, fuming Iwaizumi, Akaashi turns to Oikawa. "Everyone is," he says with a smile. It's true. From the moment Iwaizumi stripped inside the living room and ran out of the front door to complete his penalty, everyone has had their eyes on him.

Oikawa hums. "Yeah, but I know you're enjoying it more than everyone else is." He's speaking low so that no one else can hear and he's so close that Akaashi can feel his breath on his earlobe. "Everyone else is admiring an attractive man. But for you, you're thinking about a missed opportunity."

Remaining calm, Akaashi tilts his head toward Oikawa. "Are you referring to the whole threesome thing?" he chuckles dryly. "I didn't know that you two were dating at the time. I've told you that."

"We weren't official then so it's fine."

"Then, why are you still bringing it up, Oikawa-san?"

"Because I know you still want to fuck my boyfriend, Akaashi-san."

Normally when the tension between them gets to an unbearable point, Akaashi always walks away, he always laughs it off. But he's tired of taking shit from Oikawa and he's tired of having to walk on eggshells around the man. They have the same group of friends. It's time for them to set aside whatever the hell has been keeping them apart all these years.

"Can we talk?" Akaashi asks Oikawa.

Oikawa feigns ignorance. "Isn't that what we're doing right now?"

"In private."

Picking up on Akaashi's tone, Oikawa drops the act. "Walk with me," he says.

They slip away from the group and make their way to the second bedroom that Kuroo is using as an office. Stepping inside first, Oikawa holds the door open for Akaashi and then he closes the door behind himself. At first, they don't say anything. They just stand there, staring at one another, sizing each other up like they'd do an opponent before a fencing match. Hard to believe that they were once on the same team, that they used to root for one another and console the other after a defeat. Although their friendship ending after a few months, it still meant a lot to Akaashi. He wonders if Oikawa felt the same before he started to hate Akaashi.

"What's your deal with me?" Akaashi asks, breaking the suspenseful silence. "We used to be good friends. What happened?"

"You know what happened."

"If I did I wouldn't have asked."

Oikawa taps his chin thoughtfully, slowly circling in on Akaashi. "Does Bokuto know?" he asks out of the blue. "I'm sure he doesn't. That's why you're always so careful when we get together like this. Normally you pick truth instead of dare but even when you pick truth, you always lie."

"What are you talking about?"

"The secret you're hiding."

Akaashi's blood runs cold. How did Oikawa know?

Smiling derisively, Oikawa leans closer, getting in Akaashi's face. "Although, I don't know what your secret is." He pauses. "Not yet, anyway."

Mask slipping, Akaashi grits his teeth. "Fuck you, Oikawa!" he snaps angrily. "Here I am trying to fix things between us and you're being an asshole, per usual."

"Please, drop the bullshit." Oikawa waves his hand dismissively, getting dangerously close to Akaashi's face. "You know our friendship will never be mended. In high school, you turned your back on me. Years later and you still haven't fucking apologized for it. You walk around here like I'm the one who owes you an—"

"Turned my back on you?!" Akaashi can't believe this shit. "You're the one who left me hanging the moment Kuroo showed you attention!"

"Is that why you did it?" Oikawa asks, voice deceptively calm. "Is that why you walked away from me when I needed you? Did you want to get back at me for quitting the fencing team and flaking on you and Kindachi? Wow." His eyes are glassy now, lashes damp with unshed tears. "I'll admit it was fucked up of me to branch out, make new friends, and leave you behind but was that deserving of what you did?"

Akaashi wants to pull his hair out in frustration. "You keep talking about what I did to you but I honestly don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Oikawa!"

"You saw what he did to me!" Oikawa shouts, hot tears streaming down his face. "You stood there and watched..." His voice cracks. "I called out to you but you walked away!"

Frowning deeply, Akaashi leans back a little to get a better look at Oikawa because maybe that'll help him see the man better and get an idea of what in the hell he's talking about. But it's to no avail.

"Oikawa, I honestly don't know what you're talking about."

Oikawa taps Akaashi's forehead with his index finger. "Dig. Deep. Into. That. Pretty. Little. Head. Of. Yours. And. Figure. It. Out." Each word is stretched out and accompanied by a tap to Akaashi's forehead. By the last tap, Akaashi has snapped.

In retaliation, Akaashi slaps Oikawa's hand away. "Don't touch me!"

On reflex, Oikawa reaches out and grabs the collar of Akaashi's shirt, jerking him forward. His brown eyes are shining with unrestrained anger. But that look doesn't scare Akaashi. Not like it would have in the past. He shoves at Oikawa's shoulder. And that is when things get out of hand. The next thing Akaashi knows is that they're on the floor, grappling at one another and yelling out obscenities. He isn't sure how long they're down there when Iwaizumi, Kuroo, and Bokuto burst into the room, yelling at them to break it up.

Iwaizumi reaches to pick Oikawa up but he gets elbowed in the face. That doesn't stop the man. He recovers from the hit quickly and roughly yanks Oikawa off the floor, holding his arms behind his back.

"Tooru, stop!" Iwaizumi is shouting at the same time Kuroo is yelling for Oikawa to calm down.

Bokuto already has Akaashi on the other side of the room, partially blocking him from Oikawa who is still trying to claw his way out of Iwaizumi's hold and get to Akaashi. There's blood on Oikawa's shirt. It takes Akaashi a while to realize that it's his blood. Oikawa's right eye is swollen a little and Akaashi is pleased that he at least managed to do something.

"Break their contact!" Iwaizumi says.

Bokuto is quick to respond. He hurriedly drags Akaashi out of the room, out of Oikawa's line of sight. Out in the hallway, the remaining guests are staring at them as they pass. They're all in shock by the rare, violent display. Akaashi can still hear Oikawa cursing him while Iwaizumi tries to get him to calm down. He isn't sure if Oikawa calms down or not because Bokuto grabs their coats by the door and then they leave.

During the silent drive to their apartment, Akaashi's entire body is shaking. He's so out of it that he doesn't wipe the blood from his lip or even acknowledge Bokuto who keeps sending him anxious glances. As fresh as the fight is, Akaashi isn't really thinking about it. Of course, it's on his mind but it isn't at the forefront of his mind.

Akaashi can't stop thinking about the discussion they had before things got out of hand.

_'You stood there and watched... I called out_   _to you but you walked away!'_

What could Oikawa be referring to? Is it possible that there are things that Akaashi no longer remembers? Akaashi is aware how easily memories can be distorted due to trauma but he never assumed that he needed to worry about that. But now, he isn't so sure.

Closing his eyes, Akaashi attempts to dig inside his mind like Oikawa aggressively suggested. All the doors he's mentally locked, he opens, allowing the haunted memories to flood inside until it's nearly overwhelming. Needing something to keep himself grounded, he digs his nails into his forearm so hard the skin tears. 

Amidst the memories of lonely nights and nearly falling over the edge, Akaashi catches a glimpse of Oikawa's face: Oikawa's tear stained face. Then, his breathing changes, becoming more erratic when the Oikawa in his memory mouths the words  _'help me'_ as a faceless person wraps their hands around his neck.

"Breathe, Keiji."

Sucking in a painful breath of air, Akaashi's eyes snap open.

They're no longer in the car. They're on the side of the road, sitting on the ground as Bokuto kneels in front of him and tries to help him through his attack. He blinks the tears away but they keep falling and they keep falling. His lungs burn from lack of air despite the mouthfuls of air he keeps gulping. The cold air whips across his face yet he doesn't feel it. He doesn't feel anything. Not the air, not the hardness of the car's tire at his back, and not the gentle hands on his face or the forehead pressed to his.

Akaashi is still stuck in that loop inside his head. An unidentifiable place that's foggy in his mind's eye. Oikawa laying on his back, tears in his eyes, and a plea on his lips. The longer Akaashi stays there, the clearer the memory becomes, and the sicker he feels.

Everything goes black after that and Akaashi welcomes it.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, everyone who is reading this despite the heavy topics. I'm really happy that a lot of you have been following this series from the start! <3   
> We're finally getting into the Akaashi and Oikawa beef. The tags have been updated to kind of give an idea of how unreliable Akaashi is as a narrator. Bu everything will be explained before it's all over.


	3. Unearth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tysm if you're still following this fic!! <3

_Akaashi is still stuck in that loop inside his head. An unidentifiable place that's foggy in his mind's eye. Oikawa laying on his back, tears in his eyes, and a plea on his lips. The longer Akaashi stays there, the clearer the memory becomes, and the sicker he feels._

_Everything goes black after that and Akaashi welcomes it._

He finds solace in the darkness.

Initially, anyway.

Soon, scattered images fill his mind again, one after the other. He sees himself in those images. He’s smiling, laughing with his friends, and other times, he’s alone, crying and screaming. The string of memories plays on and on. It feels as though he’s looking at a twisted movie reel.

Well, that’s what life is, right? One, big fucked-up movie. At times, Akaashi isn’t sure if he’s the audience or the entertainment.

That night, all those years ago, his role was obvious. He was the audience; the spectator to Oikawa’s suffering. Yes, he remembers it now. All too clearly.

It was another party.

After his first party, one would think he’d have his fill of social engagements, but this time was different. This time, Bokuto was with him; they were sort-of-kinda dating at the time. And Akaashi was functional despite what Terushima did to him.

At least, that’s how he likes to see it. Truth is, after that night on the cold bathroom floor, Akaashi created an alter; one that resembled the person he was before that awful night. In public and around people, he was still the well-behaved, shining student with his sanity intact. When he was alone, he was someone else entirely. A person he barely recognized whenever he caught glimpses of his reflection. 

So, his alter and Bokuto went to that part together. 

That time it was held at Oikawa’s home. The party was a typical party. Everyone was drunk or high or both. When they first walked in, they were offered alcohol. Akaashi declined, Bokuto gratefully accepted. It wasn't long before his date ditched him. Though Bokuto did ask if it were alright before doing so. He was always considerate, even then. But back then, Bokuto didn't have the capacity to read people the way he does now. The same can be said about all of them. They were all dumb ass teenagers. 

Anyway.

While Bokuto was off somewhere with Kuroo, engaging in immature antics, Akaashi went upstairs to find a quiet place. He’d felt a panic attack coming on and needed to clear his head. He refused to break in public. He refused to allow anyone to see him like that.

Surprisingly, the third floor was vacant. Or so she thought. Akaashi walked up to the first door he saw. It was cracked. He peeked in and that’s when he saw Oikawa crying and whimpering quietly.

When Oikawa saw him, he mouthed the words, “Help me..." 

And Akaashi was going to help. He really was. He really wanted to. But then he saw who was hurting Oikawa and then…

Akaashi backed away from the door. He turned around and hurried back down the stairs. Found a bathroom on the second floor, puked in the toilet, then the panic attack he tried to avoid hit him so hard he thought he was going to die. He wanted to die. He really did. It was hard for him to breathe or think or do much of anything.

He can’t remember how he even got home that night. He likes to think Bokuto dropped him off. But he knows the boy was too drunk to do that. One thing he now knows for certain is that he made himself forget what he saw.

He suppressed the memory of Oikawa on that floor. He suppressed the memory of the sleazy grin Terushima had on his face as he raped his Oikawa. It was the only way he knew how to keep himself safe, keep himself stable.

* * *

Bokuto is there when he wakes up. His eyes are red, nose a little swollen. He’s been crying.

“Kou…” Akaashi clears his throat. “Koutarou,” he says, voice coming out clearer.

His boyfriend blinks himself awake and looks down. Smiling softly, he brushes Akaashi’s dark curls away from his forehead. “Welcome back,” he whispers huskily.

“Sorry for worrying you.”

Shaking his head, Bokuto lowers his face. From that angle, his lips brush the tip of Akaashi’s nose. It tickles. “It’s okay. Keiji, are you...are you okay?” He pauses. “Like, really okay?”

Akaashi doesn’t realize he’s crying until he tastes the salt in his mouth. “No,” he says, voice cracking. “I’m not okay.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

There’s so much ground to cover. He has no idea where to start or how to begin peeling back the layers of the carefully crafted alter he’s created. Or how to tell Koutarou about the terrible thing Terushima did to him and how deep Oikawa’s abuse at the hands of Terushima goes.

All of it is too much. Just thinking about it makes it difficult for him to breathe.

Bokuto quickly notices the change in his breathing. “It’s okay, Keiji. You don’t have to talk right now. You don’t have to talk at all. I’m here. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

The smoothness of his boyfriend’s voice keeps him grounded. How many times has Bokuto helped him through an attack without even knowing the cause of it? Countless times.

Akaashi can’t help but think of how undeserving he is of Bokuto’s love and understanding. Selfishly, he’s hoarded all his secrets—the real nasty ones. Meanwhile, Bokuto is always open with him about everything. He’s lied to Bokuto in the past. About small things mostly. And he isn’t sure why. He isn’t sure why he doesn’t feel like he can be completely honest with a person he claims to be in love with. He just wishes he was normal. Wishes he was whole enough to give Bokuto the love he deserves.

“I love you, Keiji,” Bokuto says, fingers combing through Akaashi’s curls.

“I love you, Koutarou.”

So much it physically hurts.

* * *

 

“You look like shit.”

That’s true. Akaashi does look like shit. He didn’t shower that morning. Only brushed his teeth, changed his clothes, and ruffled his hair a little; the bare minimum.

Smirking, Oikawa leans against the wall, arms folded. He’s wearing silk black pajamas and they fit perfectly with the lavish den that sits behind him. “Looks like you’ve had your ass kicked, too.” He laughs, tilting his head. "Why are you here?”

Any other time, Akaashi would’ve responded with a retort, reminding Oikawa that his face also shows proof of their brawl last night. But that isn’t why he came over to the man’s penthouse.

He didn’t even get the chance to fully step off the elevator before Oikawa greeted him with a crude comment. Then again, he supposes the rudeness is deserved. After all, he did nothing when Oikawa asked for help that night…

Akaashi can’t stop the tears from falling.

Oikawa frowns. “What the fuck is this?”

“Tooru,” he cries, voice shaking, “I...I am so sorry I left you there.” He sees how Oikawa’s eyes widen with recognition and how quickly they narrow venomously. “I was afraid…I’m sorry…”

“ _You_ were afraid?” Oikawa scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “Afraid of what, Keiji?!”

“I was afraid he’d hurt me again.”

It takes a moment for the words to register, but once they do all the color drains from Oikawa’s face. Akaashi thinks it’s the only time he’s ever succeeded in rendering the man speechless. But there’s no triumph in this accomplishment. It doesn’t even feel like an accomplishment.

It’s just painful.

He cries so hard, a sob gets caught in his throat and he chokes on it. He doesn’t register arms around him. He doesn’t realize he’s being lead further into the penthouse. When he wipes his eyes and takes in his surroundings, he’s sitting on one of the couches in the den, Oikawa holding him. 

Akaashi stares at Oikawa in a mixture of shock and awe. “We’ve...never hugged,” he remarks.

“We’ve never had a reason to.” Oikawa looks at him. Really looks at him. “Tell me,” is all he says.

And there’s something about the way he says those words that make Akaashi want to tell him everything without stalling or skimming over details. People always talk about how intense Oikawa can be when he’s being serious, really serious, and he never understood what they meant by that. He guesses that’s because he’s never actually had Oikawa’s gaze on him like this.

Akaashi opens his mouth and the words pour out of him, and while he tells his story of that horrible night, from beginning to end—because for some reason starting from the beginning is helpful—he hates himself for not being able to open up to Bokuto as easily as he’s opening up to Oikawa.

Maybe it’s because with Oikawa there’s nothing to lose. They’re not friends anymore. They’re barely acquaintances. If their relationship doesn’t improve after this then fine.

However, Akaashi has everything to lose when it comes to Bokuto. A loving relationship, a best friend, a roof over his head, financial stability. And no matter how many times that small, optimistic part of him tries to convince him that, no matter what, Bokuto will love him despite everything, he can’t bring himself to believe that. Because there’s more than what Terushima did to him. There’s also the things Akaashi willingly did in order to deal with his body’s lustful demands, to sate the ravenous monster inside him. 

Then there are the things Akaashi has asked Bokuto to do to him under the guise of sexual exploration. If Bokuto learns the truth about Terushima, it won't take him long to compare some of their past sexual acts to what happened to Akaashi that night. He's going to discover how fucked up and disgusting Akaashi truly is. 

No, Bokuto can never know what happened. And he only tells Oikawa about what Terushima did, not about the way it turned him into a deranged slut. 

Akaashi feels empty when it's over. 

“Goddammit, Keiji,” Oikawa curses quietly, wiping away his tears. “Why didn’t…” He stops himself, knowing better than to ask that question. “I had no idea. I...I knew what he was. But I thought I was the only one he hurt during that time. I used to...um...comfort myself with that assumption. As long as he wasn’t hurting others, it was okay because I was strong enough to handle it.”

Akaashi puts an arm around Oikawa. “Tooru—”

The elevator chimes. Both of them turn their heads in the direction of the noise. From where they are, they can see the doors slowly opening. Iwaizumi steps off, with plastic bags carrying food containers.

“Hey, Tooru! I brought you food ‘cause I know your ass likes to skip breakfast!” He looks around the room, eyes eventually falling on them. He smiles. “Oh, Akaashi-san, hey. Didn’t know you were here.”

When Iwaizumi’s close enough to see how red their eyes and faces are, his smile drops.

Oikawa stands and walks over to his boyfriend. “I forgot you were stopping by. Sorry...” His voice lowers as he whispers something that Akaashi can’t pick up on. Whatever he says, it’s enough to assure Iwaizumi that all is well; they’re not going to have a round two of their fight.

Iwaizumi puts the food in the kitchen. Then he leaves.

“He didn’t have to leave,” Akaashi says when Oikawa returns to the couch. He gets up. “I actually should get going.”

“Sit down, Keiji. Hajime doesn’t mind coming back later.”

They’ve hated one another for years. Even still, Oikawa manages to speak Akaashi’s given name with ease, familiarity. And vice versa.

Akaashi remains standing, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “Still, I should go.”

“Does Bokuto know?”

Feels like the wind was knocked out of him. Staggering back, Akaashi shakes his head. Even the prospect of Bokuto knowing terrifies him. To have someone who thinks so highly of him know such a disgusting secret—it makes knots form in his stomach.

“So, this is your secret,” Oikawa mutters. “Sorry for being an asshole about it.”

“You didn’t know.”

“I didn’t.”

“I suppose we’re even.”

“Even? Oh no. You saw what happened to me and you chose to forget it. Do you understand how fucked up that is?” Oikawa’s face reveals nothing.

Because of that, Akaashi can’t determine if the man is really upset with him or not. It ticks him off for some reason.

“Forgive me for putting my own well being above yours,” he says, defensive. “I’m a selfish piece of shit. What’s new?”

“Terushima pulled a knife on me that same night. After you left me there. I tried to fight back. He held it against my throat and told me if I didn’t be still, he’d kill me. And his eyes...they were…” Oikawa pauses, taking a moment. Then continues, “I knew better than to call his bluff.”

“How was I supposed to know?!”

“He could’ve killed me,” he says, plainly, as though it weren’t a big deal. “You were looking out for yourself and I totally get that. But don’t you see how your unhealthy coping mechanisms can hurt the people around you?”

Akaashi understands now; Oikawa isn’t blaming him for Terushima past actions. He was simply proving a point. “You’re speaking from experience, I take it.”

Oikawa nods. “I went a long time without seeking professional help or telling anyone about what happened. While I was trying to protect myself, I was hurting those who cared about me.”

“Have you told Iwaizumi-san?”

“Yes.”

“How’d he take it?”

“They’re different people,” Oikawa says knowingly. “You can’t expect them to react the same way. But one thing you can be sure about is, Bokuto won’t think differently of you, Keiji. He isn’t going to leave you.”

Of course, he knows exactly what’s bothering Akaashi. Fucking mind reader.

“There are other things he doesn’t know about…”

“Have you ever cheated on him?”

“No, I would never.”

“Then what have you done that’s bad enough to make Bokuto stop loving his dear Keiji?”

Akaashi wants to tell Oikawa that he won’t understand. But he knows how insulting that would be. If anyone understands him it’s Oikawa. It’s just that they’re not there yet emotionally. He isn’t even sure what this means for their relationship as a whole. So, for now, he won’t spill all his dirty secrets.

“Fine,” Oikawa says, shrugging. “But, let me give you my therapist’s information. You can’t keep all this in.”

“Is that all you did? Just therapy?” Akaashi isn’t opposed to it. He just can’t afford it.

“Well, I spent a lot of time alone. I still kept in touch with my family and friends. But being alone gave me time to...get to know myself better.” Oikawa purses his lips. “Better yet, I’ll contact my therapist. All you need to do is go.”

“You’re not suggesting you pay?”

“Be honest, can you afford therapy?”

“...no.”

“Like I thought. Just think of it as an employee benefit for working the bar at the club.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Well, luckily for me, I just so happen to be one of the co-owners. Therefore, I can do whatever the fuck I want. And Tetsurou doesn’t give a shit. So, anything else you’d like to point out?”

Akaashi sighs, “You win.” Surprisingly, he doesn’t feel defeated. He feels relieved. Finally, someone knows his secret. “Thank you, Tooru.”

Oikawa nods. Averting his gaze, he chews on his lip. “You can...if you want to...you can talk to me more. I remember how badly I needed someone….a friend who understood me. Tetsurou really tried. He did. But…”

“I get it. I’d like it if we could talk more. Not just about all this. Other things.”

“Yeah, okay.” He smiles. “Sure, we can talk about other things. Holy fuck, this is awkward!”

Akaashi laughs, and it’s been a while since he’s genuinely laughed at something Oikawa said to him. They don’t need to exchange numbers because they’ve always had each other’s numbers; they’re in a group message together. Oikawa makes a note of Akaashi’s availability so he can set up an appointment with his therapist. With nothing more to discuss at the moment, they say their goodbyes.

But before Akaashi steps on the elevator, Oikawa warns him.

“It’s going to be difficult at first,” he says.

“How so?”

“You’re going to have to tell the truth. The whole truth.”

“I’m going to tell them the same things I told you. Which is the whole truth.”

Oikawa gives him a flat look; he’s unconvinced. As he should be because Akaashi definitely left a few things out, but he shared the important details. He never tells anyone the whole truth when it comes to all the fucked up shit he's keeping within himself. Why would he allow himself to be that vulnerable?   
  
“See you later, Keiji,” Oikawa says, and it sounds like a prediction rather than an empty farewell.

Akaashi gets on the elevator.

During the ride down to the lobby, he replays Oikawa’s departing words, thinks about the man’s facial expression. He knows foreboding when he sees it. But Akaashi has a penchant for self-sabotage. 

 

TBC


	4. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Belated Birthday, Muffin <3

God works hard but Oikawa Tooru works harder.

Akaashi thinks someone needs to put that on a bumper sticker. Do people still use bumper stickers? A t-shirt is better. Yeah, someone needs to put that phrase on a shirt and put Akaashi on the payroll for coming up with it.

His first therapy session is scheduled for Thursday; three days after his talk with Oikawa. Not once does flaking cross Akaashi’s mind. He wants this. He needs this. Maybe if he vents to a stranger it’ll help him live a relatively normal life. That's the purpose of therapy, right? The only issue is, Thursday is the one day that Bokuto goes to the gym in the afternoon rather than the morning. In order to avoid telling his boyfriend about his therapy session, Akaashi comes up with an itsy bitsy white lie.

“I’m meeting Tsukishima for breakfast and we’re going to do a little shopping afterward. Well, he’s going to shop and I’m going to window shop.”

Bokuto smiles because it makes him genuinely happy when Akaashi spends time with his friends. He’s good like that. “Hope you two have fun!” He walks over to the dresser, retrieving his wallet. “Take my card. Treat yo self~" 

“Koutarou, I can’t.”

“You can. Seriously, can we stop pretending like my parents aren’t loaded and send me money weekly because I’m a child in a grown-up suit?” He laughs.

Despite himself, Akaashi smiles. Scooting off the bed, he walks up to his boyfriend, twining his arms around his neck. “Don’t say you’re a child. That’ll make me look like a creep.” He kisses him nice and slow. “I feel bad about taking your money. I mooch off you enough.”

“You can suck my dick in exchange if it’ll make you feel better." 

“I can pretend to be your young sugar baby.”

“I’ll be the middle-aged Daddy, recently divorced, and obsessed with fantasy football. Isn’t that what Americans do when they get old?”

“We’re not American.”

“Duh. But if we’re going to roleplay let’s throw in some cultural norms. Spice it up, ya’ know!”

Akaashi hugs Bokuto. “I think I’m in love with you,” he says. 

It’s been established years ago that they’re both insanely in love with one another but it’s nice to pretend otherwise. It’s like falling in love with Bokuto over and over. Each time the fall is longer, more painful.

“Damn, took you long enough to admit that," he jokes. "It's been 87 years.” Bokuto kisses Akaashi’s temple, holding him securely in his big arms. “I really hope you have a good time today, baby. You deserve it.”

Not really, but Akaashi will act like he does.

“I have enough time to suck your dick before I go.”

“Suck it later.”

“I want to suck it now.”

Bokuto cups Akaashi’s ass. “La-ter,” he says, punctuating each syllable with a squeeze of said ass. He gives it a good smack. “I want to eat your ass for dinner.”

“We make reservations now?”

“Yes,” Bokuto says, voice stereotypically nasally to mimic a snobbish person. “I would like to make a reservation for a party of 1. I prefer my ass medium rare. I do enjoy a pink center.”

Akaashi playfully slaps his chest. “You’re ridiculous. I’m going.” But he doesn’t leave Bokuo’s arms just yet.

A sinking feeling settles in his gut. It feels like this is the last, happy moment they’ll have for a long time. It’s intuition. Or maybe it’s indigestion. He’ll go with the latter for sanity’s sake. He makes a mental note to add more fiber to his diet. There, problem solved.

They share another kiss before Akaashi leaves the apartment.

* * *

Right off the bat, Akaashi’s guard is up with Dr. Suzuki. It’s purely out of habit. His first impression of the woman is that she’s nice, in the same way a customer service representative is nice in the presence of their superiors; it doesn’t feel genuine. Which doesn’t bother him at all. This is strictly business for them both.

Her office is connected to her home. Inside the walls are painted a pale shade of purple, the floors are tatami, there’s a desk in the corner with a sparse bookshelf behind it, and the rest of the room is open, airy. There isn’t a typical lounge chair. Instead, there are two zabutons facing one another. Akaashi isn’t eager to sit seiza for half an hour. He rolls his eyes.

He thinks he does so discreetly but the moment he walked through that door, he's been put under a magnifying glass.

Demurely, he sits at the chair in front of the desk with his legs crossed while the woman skims over the questionnaire she had him fill out. He can’t recall a time when he didn’t lie on those things. His answers always vary between ‘neutral’ and ‘less likely’.

That doesn’t sit well with Dr. Suzuki apparently. Akaashi can see the faint frown lines on her forehead. Something inside him stirs. He shifts in his seat, waiting for her to express some kind of disappointment so he can incite an argument, resulting in his dismissal. That way he’ll have an excuse not to go through with this.

Earlier, he was eager to come here, eager to get well. Old habits die hard, though. Self-sabotage is all he knows.

“Thank you for taking the time to fill this out, Akaashi-san,” she says. “It makes my job a whole lot easier and it allows me to get to know you better.”

“I doubt you were able to learn anything about me from a standard questionnaire. Those things are pointless, you know. Also, forgive me for being forward, but Oikawa-san called you his therapist. Yet you introduced yourself as Doctor…”

“Psychiatrist is the proper title. It’s common for people to confuse the two.” She stands. “How about we move this conversation to the designated sitting area.”

They sit across from one another on the zabutons, legs tucked under them, backs as straight as rods. If he closes his eyes, he’ll find himself inside his father’s highrise office with his head bowed as the man berates him for not getting perfect scores on his calculus exam. If he lingers long enough, he can fast forward to another moment in that office with one of his father’s colleagues fucking his teenaged mouth raw.

“Akaashi-san, you don’t seem pleased with our current positions.” Dr. Suzuki’s voice slices through the memories. “If you’d like, I can bring the chairs over here.”

“This is fine. I’m just not used to sitting like this.”

“Do you eat at a table at home?”

“Not all the time. My boyfrie—” He snaps his mouth shut. As a distraction, he turns to the diffuser in the room that’s softly humming in the background. “Is that how you get your patients to relax? You suffocate them with essential oils?”

Dr. Suzuki smiles sheepishly. It’s an odd thing for a woman in her early forties to do. She tucks a strand of grey hair behind her ear. “Actually, the diffuser is for my allergies. I can turn it off if it bothers you.”

“I don’t mind it. I was simply curious.”

“Akaashi-san, I want you to tell me about your boyfriend. I take it you two live together.”

“What do you want to know?” Akaashi doesn’t want to tell her about Bokuto. They’re here to talk about him. But if he tells her that, it’ll just make her feel like she’s getting somewhere when she’s not.

“How long have you two been together?”

“Since high school?”

“And how many years is that? I could look at the information you’ve provided and make a guess but I want you to tell me." 

Akaashi isn’t sure how many years it’s been. They’ve been on and off a lot. He isn’t even sure when they became officially official. It isn’t like he has to be accurate, though. It’s not like this will contribute to the session in any way. She’s just being a nosey fuck right now.

“Five years.”

“High school sweethearts?” she asks, smiling.

“Yes,” he lies. More like high school fuck buddies/dysfunctional couple. “Did Oikawa-san tell you anything about me?”

Dr. Suzuki appears affronted by the question. “He only told me you were a good friend of his and that he'd like it if I spoke with you.”

“That’s all it took for you to take me as a client?”

“That’s all it took for me to meet with you, yes. As of now, you aren’t my client. We’re just having a conversation, Akaashi-san.”

“So far it feels like an interrogation with all the one-sided questions.”

“One-sided questions?" she asks, feigning surprise. "I’ll admit I’ve asked more than you have but the questions aren’t one-sided. Have you forgotten about the questions you’ve asked me?”

“Those don’t count.”

“Why is that?”

“Because they weren’t personal.”

“Would you like to ask me a personal question? You’re free to do so.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to answer it, though.” Dr. Suzuki nods, and Akaashi sneers. “I wasn’t born yesterday. All of this is textbook. It’s a cliche. You just want me to let my guard down so you can pick my brain and act as if you know me.”

Dr. Suzuki folds her hands in her lap, her expression is contemplative. “Would you like for me to tell you what I’ve already concluded about you?”

Akaashi chuckles dryly. “I’m in a laughing mood,” he says.

“You were born of privilege and wealth but now you are faced with hardships unfamiliar to a person of your upbringing. This change occurred fairly recently.”

“Anyone with a functioning television in their home knows I was disinherited by my father after I publicly announced that I like dick. That happened when I was fresh out of high school. Two years is hardly recent.”

“True, but to you, it still feels fresh. Am I wrong?”

Akaashi doesn’t answer yet that’s an answer in and of itself.

She continues, “From your responses on the questionnaire, it would appear you’re intentionally indecisive. You like to portray yourself as, what some people may view as, difficult, hard to please. It makes you feel good about yourself. It makes you feel like you’re not as agreeable as you really are. I’ll admit I don’t quite know why that is. _Yet_.”

It’s because Akaashi doesn’t want to seem like a spineless pushover. He doesn’t want to be the person who laid there on that bathroom floor, pretending to be asleep because he was too afraid to defend himself. He doesn’t want to be that person who stood by while Oikawa suffered.

No way in hell he’s going to tell Dr. Know-It-All that.

“Is that all?” Akaashi asks.

“Hardly,” she replies. “But I will stop if you’d like.”

“Oikawa-san already paid. Can’t hurt to stay for the whole time. I’m listening.”

She doesn't hesitate. “Let’s circle back to your upbringing. You’re a product of tiger parenting.” She pauses. “No, it was a tiger _parent_. Your father. He’s the reason why you hate the traditional seiza position. He was hard on you so you rebelled in whatever way you could without him actually finding out because you were afraid of him. What was an act of rebellion for you, Akaashi-san?”

The words rush out of him before he realizes it. “When I was seventeen, I seduced my father's longtime business partner. We used to fuck in my father’s office whenever he was away on trips.”

“How old was your father's business partner?”

“I don’t know. Old as shit.”

“Yet you seduced him?" she asks, skeptical. "Are you sure it was you who initiated?" 

The question has Akaashi digging through his memories, opening and closing the sealed doors in his mind. He remembers a holiday party at his parents’ home. When his parents weren’t looking someone let him drink champagne from their glass. They rubbed his thighs and groped him. He took their hand and guided it inside his cotton pajama pants.

“I wanted it,” Akaashi says. He’s sure of it. “They showed interest in me first but I wanted the attention.” That was why he crept out of his bedroom and went downstairs. He was looking for trouble.

“I see.” She nods. “Was that your only act of rebellion?”

Akaashi snorts, “Hardly.” He uses the woman’s earlier quip. “I snuck out a lot.” Why is he telling her this? “Went to parties with Koutarou.”

“Koutarou?”

“My boyfriend.”

“Did you and Koutarou-san always go to parties together?”

“Yes.” Akaashi thinks back to that first party. He frowns. “No.”

“There was a party that you went to alone, is that what you’re saying?”

“I wasn’t alone. Kindachi-san, an old friend of mine, was there.” It hurts to label Kindachi that way but it’s been so long since they’ve spoken. “Koutarou invited me but when I found him he was getting his dick sucked by some guy.” He laughs it off. “That’s okay. Because we’re together now.”

Dr. Suzuki scribbles something down. Akaashi doesn’t remember her picking up a notepad. “Let’s stay right there, Akaashi-san,” she says. “What did you do after you saw Koutarou-san with this other guy. Did you confront him?”

Akaashi has never mentioned it to Bokuto. He shakes his head.

“So, what did you do?”

“I got drunk. Really drunk.” His mind is trying to take him back to that night, back to that bathroom. “I don’t want to go back there." 

“Walk away, Akaashi-san.”

In his mind, Akaashi can see his younger self walking in reverse, further away from the bathroom, away from the monster that waits for him there. His shoulders relax. 

“Where are you now?” she asks.

“Koutarou’s home,” Akaashi says fondly. “His parents are out of town. We’re all alone." 

Dr. Suzuki smiles. “This is a happy place for you.”

“It is.”

“Why is that?”

. . . . .

_With a shaky breath, Akaashi reaches for his pant’s zipper._

_Bokuto grabs his hands. “Are you sure?” he asks for what feels like the fifth time that day. “We don’t have to.”_

_Self-consciously, Akaashi hugs_ _himself in a poor attempt at hiding his naked chest from the boy’s gaze. “You don’t want to have sex with me?” His face and neck bleed crimson._

_“I do want to sex you! I mean...I do want to have sex with you. We don’t have to rush is all I’m saying.” Bokuto caresses Akaashi’s elbow with his thumb. “I know you’ve never been with anyone and I want your first time to be special.”_

_Akaashi frowns._

_“Okay, I know that sounds really corny but I like you a lot, Akaashi-san. I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve never been with a virgin honestly...”_

_But Akaashi isn’t a virgin, though, that’s what he wants Bokuto to believe. He could tell him the truth right now. Then again, that seems counterproductive. He wants Bokuto to fuck him. Opening up about what happened two months ago is a definite mood killer._

_“I trust you, Bokuto-san,” he says, shyly putting his arms around the boy’s neck, hugging him, their bare chests touching._

_Bokuto kisses Akaashi’s shoulder. “If you want to stop at any time just tell me and we'll stop.”_

_“You won’t get upset with me?”_

_“No, I’m not an asshole,” he laughs. “This is all about you, Akaash—”_

_“Call me, Keiji, please.”_

_Bokuto swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. His heart is thundering in his chest. It’s amazing what a simple request like that can do to someone. “Okay,” he says, voice barely a whisper. “This is all about you, Keiji. Whatever you want is fine with me.”_

. . .

Akaashi wishes he could live in that moment.

“It was the first time we had sex,” he says. 

“I couldn’t help but notice you said it was the first time ‘we’ had sex. Is it safe to assume that wasn’t your first time having sex?”

“Are you trying to slut shame me?” Of course, he knows that’s a far stretch but he needs to regain the upper hand. Then again, he never had the upper hand, to begin with.

“No, Akaashi-san. I am not trying to slut shame you. My only aim is to create a functional timeline of significant events in your life. You were seventeen when you had an affair with your father’s colleague. How old were you when you went to your first party?”

“Sixteen.”

“How old were you when you went to Koutarou-san’s home for the first time?”

“Sixteen.” Akaashi doesn’t want the woman to get the wrong idea. “I’ve never cheated on Koutarou. We weren’t together during the time of that affair.”

Suzuki writes in her notepad. “I’m writing down the events in order,” she says, answering his unspoken question. “To be clear, you and Koutarou began dating after you saw him at the party with someone else.”

“Yes.”

“Was there ever a moment where you despised him for what happened?”

Akaashi crosses his arms defensively. “What happened to me that night wasn’t Koutarou’s fault.”

“You’re referring to your overconsumption of alcohol or something else?”

Damn. He walked right into that.

Anxiously, he glances around the room for a clock so he can see how much time is left. Unsurprisingly, there isn’t a clock in sight. During his brief intake, his phone was confiscated so he can’t use that.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Akaashi says. “Can we move on to something else?”

“Of course.” She flips a page in her notebook. “For clarification, do you want to cease all conversation about your relationship with Koutarou-san or is it your first party experience that you would like to stop discussing?”

“Both.”

“Very well. How is your relationship with your parents now, Akaashi-san?”

“Next topic.”

“Fine, we can come back to that. Truthfully, I’m very intrigued by what you’ve told me so far. I would like to take you on as a client if that’s okay with you.”

“You say ‘client’ but I can’t help but see myself as a ‘patient’ or some kind of lab rat for you to dissect.”

“This is the second time you’ve made a dissection reference. Is that a fear of yours? To be put on display for all to see?”

Akaashi doesn’t know if he wants to storm out of this office or if he wants to stay here forever at the mercy of Dr. Shizuku’s analytical mind. Everything he says, no matter how small, she stores it away for later use. Somehow, she's managed to get so much out of him. He’s both impressed and annoyed by her. 

Shizuku suddenly says, “Well, I suppose I will have to wait until next time for an answer. Our time is up, Akaashi-san.” She closes her notepad. “Would you like to schedule our next session now or do you need time to think about it?”

“Same time next week works for me,” he says.

“Sounds good to me.” She smiles and this time it seems real. “In the meantime, I have an assignment for you.”

“Yay,” he deadpans.

“Honesty is very important during these sessions, Akaashi-san. I want you to retake the questionnaire and answer truthfully. Next week, well compare the original questionnaire with the new one.”

“Is that what Oikawa-san meant when he said I’ll have to tell the truth?” he snorts.

Dr. Shizuku’s face is unreadable. “Possibly. Although, I suspect he wasn’t just referring to our sessions.” She cracks a smile. “Anyway, if you’ll excuse me I have to prepare for my 11 o’clock.”

Akaashi doesn’t need to be told twice. He’s given his phone and a new questionnaire then he’s out the door. And as much as he hates to admit it, he feels positive about this.

Maybe this whole therapy thing isn’t so bad.

* * *

He takes advantage of his good mood by going for a walk in a nearby park, having a nice lunch, and he does a little shopping; even picks up some new shirts and athletic pants for Bokuto.

By the time he makes it back to the apartment, it’s early evening, meaning he has a couple of hours before Bokuto gets back. Meaning he can chill out for a bit before starting dinner. He hasn’t cooked in a while. They’ve been eating take-out and leftovers. He wants to treat his doting boyfriend to a healthy meal and a soul-sucking blowjob.

Stepping into the apartment, he kicks the door closed behind him, hurriedly walking toward the kitchen to set his bags down. It isn’t until he reaches the entryway that he realizes the lights are on when they shouldn’t be. They both left the house during the day. His puzzlement doesn’t last long. Once he steps into the kitchen he sees Bokuto leaning against the counter by the stove.

“You’re home early,” Akaashi remarks absentmindedly. Setting the bags down, he retrieves the bag with Bokuto’s gifts. “I treated myself but I was thoughtful enough to get you something, too.” He smiles, extending the bag.

Bokuto’s hair is a little damp, hanging low instead of spiked. He’s shirtless, with a towel around his neck to catch the excess drops, and the black sweatpants he’s wearing sit low on his hips, revealing the v-cut that’s sharp enough to slice bread.

Fuck, Akaashi is so thirsty for his boyfriend.

“Thanks,” Bokuto says, taking the bag. But he doesn’t immediately open it as Akaashi expected. “How was breakfast with Tsukki?”

“Great. We were able to catch up. You know it’s been so long since we’ve hung out just the two of us.” Not wanting the perishable items to go bad, he turns his attention to putting away the groceries. He moves around the kitchen with a spring in his step, oblivious to the way golden eyes follow him. “I wanted to surprise you with a home cooked meal.”

“Keiji.”

Akaashi looks at the man, finally sees the hurt in his eyes. “What’s wrong, Kou?”

“Please, tell me the truth.” Bokuto breathes in and exhales, “What did you really do today?”

The problem with habitual liars is, it’s so hard for them not to lie. Even when they know they’ve been found out. Even when they know that’s it’s better to just confess. In Akaashi’s case, he thinks he’s craftier than he really is. He’s not the typical compulsive liar. His lies are well thought out and he only lies to protect his loved ones. He doesn’t lie for his own personal gain.

That’s what he always tells himself.

So, his automatic reply is, “I told you,” he forces a laugh; he really thinks it sounds convincing. “Tsukishima and I met for breakfast and we did some shopping. We went to a lot of stores. That’s why it took so long.”

Bokuto stares at the tiled floor, the veins in his arms protruding as he tightens his fists. His phone is in his left hand. It looks as if it’s going to break at any moment. But then he relaxes, his anger dies just as quickly as it emerged. Sadness exists in its place. “Tetsurou and I Facetimed today. He’s been out of town since Tuesday.” He lifts his head, staring at Akaashi, his gaze piercing. “Tsukishima went with him.”

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ He needs to come up with an explanation fast.

“So, I’m going to ask you one more time,” Bokuto says. “Please, don’t lie to my face, again, Keiji. What did you do today?”

Maybe it’s time for him to tell Bokuto the truth about everything. Oh, but there’s so much for him to own up to. A heaping pile of lies that date back to high school. If he opens up about therapy, he’ll have to open about the reason for it. Eventually, he’ll have to tell Bokuto that he wasn’t a virgin when they first had sex. He’ll have to tell Bokuto that the person he’s been in love with all this time isn’t even him, but a fabricated and polished version of him; his alter. 

The silence stretches on.

Bokuto gets antsy. “Is...is there someone else?” he asks. Sighing, he pushes off the counter. “I’m sorry for even asking that. I know—”

“Yes.” Akaashi’s desperate. He hops on the opportunity. “There is someone else.”

“No, there isn’t.” Bokuto shakes his head. “I don’t believe you, Keiji. I don’t.”

“Look, Koutarou, I’m really sorry you had to find out this way, but it’s the truth. I spent the day with this guy I met online. We’ve been chatting for a—”

“What’s his name?”

“Yamaha Kaito.” Lying comes easily to him. It’s nothing to be proud about, either. He hates himself. “He follows my blog. That’s where we met.”

Bokuto chest heaves; he’s furious. Yet he doesn’t explode, he doesn’t let that rage out because even though he thinks the person he loves betrayed his trust, he’s still considerate and patient. Akaashi really, really, hates himself.

“How long?” Bokuto asks.

“A little over a month.”

“How far has it gone? Have you two been...intimate?”

Akaashi hugs himself. He feels like he’s going to fall to pieces. But this has to be done. He sees that now. All of this time, he’s been lying to Bokuto and hurting him. No more. Bokuto deserves better than this. He deserves better than him.

“We’ve fooled around a couple of times,” he says. “Koutarou, I’m so sorry.” The genuineness of that apology only helps to make his lie more believable.

Bokuto’s devastated, staring at Akaashi like he’s never seen him before. “What...what am I doing wrong?” he asks. “I thought I made you happy. I thought…”

“Kou—”

“All those times we broke up, it was because you wanted something new and as much as I didn’t want to be without you, I stepped aside, I gave you space. Whenever you want to try new things, I’m always down. Threesome? Cool. Choking you until you pass out despite how much it scares me? Cool!” He stops, swallowing a sob. “So, I don’t understand why you couldn’t be upfront with me about this. Have I ever forced you or tried to control you?”

Akaashi shakes his head. He tries to speak but his throat aches and it feels like he can’t breathe. He ends up drinking his tears instead.

“Then why, Keiji? Why is it so easy for you to lie to me all the time?” He sees the way Akaashi’s eyes widen. “Wow, you must really think I’m a fucking idiot! I know you’re not always honest with me. It hurts but I never wanted to push you or make you tell me things you weren’t ready to share.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Am I too much of a doormat, is that is?” Bokuto asks, moving away from the counter, closer to Akaashi. He stands in front of him. “Look at me.”

Akaashi meets Bokuto’s gaze and wishes he hadn’t. He’s never seen Bokuto look so defeated.

“I love you, Keiji. So much that even though you cheated on me and lied to me and,” his voice cracks. “I still love you. Whatever it is, you can tell me.” He cups Akaashi’s face, wiping his tears away with his thumbs. “If I don’t make you happy anymore, you can tell me. It’s okay." 

Lowering his head, Akaashi cries harder, his shoulders shaking. “I...I can’t do this anymore. You’re right, I haven’t been completely honest with you. I love you too, Koutarou. I’m...I’m just not in love with you anymore...that’s why…”

“Okay, Keiji. I understand.”

Bokuto puts his arms around Akaashi, and they cry together until they’re numb. Although he views himself as unworthy of Bokuto’s love and affection, he savors the moment, he savors Bokuto’s gentle hands combing through his hair. This is it for them. He wants to soak up as much as he can because no one will ever love him quite like this. He isn't even sure how he managed to keep Bokuto for this long.

“I’ll go pack my things. It won’t take long. I don’t have much,” Akaashi says when the moment is over.

“It’s getting late. Stay here tonight.”

“But—”

“Please, stay tonight. You can sleep in the bed. I’ll take the couch. In the morning, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

Akaashi nearly breaks. He nearly puts an end to it, right then and there. He doesn’t. This is what his dishonesty has cost him. It’s his own fault.

“Okay, I’ll stay tonight. But you can sleep in the bedroom.”

Shaking his head, Bokuto walks away, heading out of the kitchen. “I can’t sleep in there,” he says. Because the pillows, comforter, and sheets are heavy with the scent of Akaashi’s favorite shampoo.

When Bokuto’s out of sight, Akaashi bites down on his lip and starts crying again. Without any kind of warning or contemplation, he hits himself on the head, once, twice, in quick succession. Then he tugs on his hair until his scalp stings and burns.

Afterward, he dries his eyes and returns to his task of putting the groceries away to give himself something to do.

* * *

 

Early in the morning, Akaashi packs a small suitcase with enough clothes to last him a week or so. He’ll send for the rest. Bokuto offers to give him a lift, but he decides to take a cab instead. No other words are exchanged between them. No goodbye hugs or kisses. No promises to talk some other time, when the wound isn’t so fresh and raw.

Akaashi leaves his apartment key on the counter before he leaves, though, he was reluctant to do so initially. Doing that felt like a permanent goodbye. It was like telling Bokuto he had no intention of ever coming back. Honestly, he isn’t sure if he does.

How can he after what he’s done?

There aren’t a lot of options for him, considering his closest friend is Tsukishima and Tsukishima is out of town. Also, Tsukishima lives with Kuroo and Kuroo is Bokuto’s best friend. It’d be too awkward. Other options are friends from the club, a handful of people who have crushes on him, and the one person he never thought he’d turn to during a situation like this.

Ironically, that same person is the only one who understands what he’s going through.

“Is Tooru here? Sorry, I should’ve called first.”

Iwaizumi takes one look at Akaashi’s bloodshot eyes and it’s enough to wake him up. He looked like death warmed over when he met Akaashi at the penthouse elevator. Now, he looks like he’s ready for a fight.

“I’ll go wake him,” Iwaizumi says. “Come inside.”

Akaashi waits in the den.

It doesn’t take long for a disheveled Oikawa to come from the back. Just like his boyfriend, he seems to come alive when he gets a good look at Akaashi’s appearance.

“What happened?” Oikawa asks.

“Is this what you meant when you told me I’d have to tell the truth?”

Oikawa sees the suitcase. It’s telling enough. “Yes, this is what I meant. Lying about it only hinders the healing process.”

“Why not just tell me that?!” Akaashi shouts angrily. “Why all the cryptic bullshit?! You could’ve warned me!”

“I did warn you,” Oikawa snaps. “There was nothing cryptic about what I said. I told you that you would have to tell the whole truth. You’re not a fucking child, Keiji. You know the difference between right and wrong. Don’t pin this on me!”

“Fuck you.” It’s the only thing he can think of right now. “Fuck you, Tooru!”

“Yeah, fuck me! Fuck the person who has a guest room your homeless ass needs to sleep in!” Oikawa gets in Akaashi’s face. “If you came here seeking a pity party, you’re shit out of luck. I’ve been through this. I’m still going through this, but I’m more stable than your rude ass so that gives me some seniority. I know you’re full of shit because I was full of shit.

“You’re still full of shit,” Akaashi says.

“Maybe so but I’m less shittier than you.”

“Who’s the child now?”

“It’s still you.” Oikawa brushes past Akaashi, picking up his suitcase. “You got some fucking nerve coming up in here this early, shit talking me in my own home.” He shows Akaashi to the guest room even as he scolds him. “Stay here as long as you need. When you’re ready to stop bullshitting, we can talk about what happened.”

Akaashi hugs Oikawa from behind. “I didn’t mean to blame you for this. I’m just…”

“I know. Remember, I’ve got seniority here,” he laughs quietly. “That doesn’t mean I think I’m better than you. It means you’ve got someone experienced in your corner. I’ll help you as much as I can, but most of the work is going to have to come from you. Don’t expect me to baby you.”

“Tough love then?”

“That’s the best way to handle smart asses like us.”

“Did Dr. Sizuku teach you that?”

“No, Iwa-chan did.” Oikawa touches Akaashi’s hands. “I’m tired. Wanna’ cuddle?” He doesn’t wait for a response. “Yeah, you wanna’ cuddle. Come on.”

The instance they’re in the bed, Akaashi starts crying uncontrollably. About Bokuto. About everything. Oikawa doesn’t tell him it'll be okay. He doesn’t say anything at all. He just holds him, and that’s exactly what Akaashi needs right now.

  
TBC 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this story! I appreciate the 'thoughtful' comments I've been getting, too :D


End file.
